Tuesday 28 March 2017

CNN Executive Briefly Panics After Zero Terrorist Attacks

Calm-counselors are being called in to the network to help employees deal with the slow news cycle.
Atlanta, GA

CNN head news director Jason Farnstone admits that he has never felt anything like it. And he doesn't want to feel it again. A full day had passed since the latest terrorist attack, this time outside of the British parliament, and the veteran journalist, as well as many of his colleagues, were anxiously depending on another attack to hit and thus continue to have an important, breaking news story to cover. "Twenty-four hours is a lifetime in the cable news business, and we depend on these stories to keep our anchors wide-eyed and alert," said Farnstone. "The fact that so much time has passed since the attacks in London is, frankly, concerning. Our viewers tune in expecting to see dust and debris and bloodied faces, just like sports fans tune into Cowboys games expecting to see scantily-clad cheerleaders. The effect of London is starting to wear off."

According to sources inside CNN's vaunted newsroom, distress is starting to set in among some of the network's top anchors. "Wolf hasn't slept since this whole thing began, and Anderson, we have him waiting at the airport just wondering which attacked city we're going to send him to next," said a producer on the condition of anonymity. "My money's on Copenhagen, but others are wagering on cities as far ranging as Madrid to Frankfurt to Los Angeles."

Calm-counselors are being called in to the network to help employees deal with the slow news cycle.

From Our Atlanta Bureau

No comments: