Postal Strikes Affecting Conservative MP’s Ability to Send Dick Pics

Conservative MP John Miller has represented Niagara West since 2011.

Niagara Falls, Ontario

As the Canadian Union of Postal Workers continues its rotating strikes throughout Canada, word has it that there has been an unsuspected disruption in the political world.

The union and Canada Post have failed to reach a new agreement despite months of negotiations, leading to postal workers walking out in strategic cities beginning last week.

According to Conservative MP John Miller, who has represented the riding of Niagara West since 2011, the disruption has personally affected him in that he has been unable to send dick pics to his mistress for several days. “I know that I could send them digitally,” said Miller, “but the woman I’m having an illicit affair with prefers hard copies.” Continuing, Miller insisted that "there is nothing embarrassing about sending such pictures," and that he has signed a release form regarding the photos.

Miller’s comments to The Sentinel Dispatch come just one day before news erupted that fellow Conservative MP Tony Clement had sent penis pictures and a video to a suspected woman who turned out to be an extortionist.

When reached on Wednesday afternoon, Conservative Caucus Whip Mark Strahl said that the delay is unfortunate. “Andrew (Scheer) and I realize that our hard-working parliamentarians need certain outlets, and if they don’t have them, we could see a rise in cases of electile dysfunction.”

From Our Ottawa Bureau

Beloved Buddhist Author To Spend Final Days In Hedonist Compound

Thich Nhat Hanh, surrounded by his followers, prepares to leave his village
 in Southern France on Tuesday.

Palos Verdes, California

Buddhists worldwide are expressing shock after beloved spiritual leader, monk, and author Thich Nhat Hanh announced Wednesday that he would spend his final days at a hedonist compound on the outskirts of Los Angeles.

According to a representative, Nhat Hanh, affectionately known to his followers as Thay, expressed his desire to immerse himself in the "bon vivant" lifestyle after a lifetime of restraint and meditation.

Thich Nhat Hanh, aged 92, is the author of such books as Being Peace, Living Buddha Living Christ, and Peace Is Every Step, and has spent several decades living in southern France in a community called Plum Village. However, according to fellow Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, the proponent of mindfulness has already relocated to Palos Verdes Pleasure Seekers Camp (PVPSC), which was founded in 1966.

According to its website, the camp, which boasts 2,500 residents, is clothing optional and holds regular activities such as Swingers Sunday, Naked Twister Tuesdays, and Anything Goes Thursdays. The compound features a "mini Las Vegas-type showroom" where local singers and Elvis impersonators perform on the weekends.

Thich Nhat Hanh is also said to be working on a new book, The Importance of Attachment.

From Our Los Angeles Bureau