Monday 7 May 2018

Doug Ford Pledges To Keep Family’s Safe Injection Site Open


Toronto, ON

During the first televised Ontario leaders debate which aired on CityTV Toronto on Monday evening, PC Leader Doug Ford was adamant about his objection to safe-injection sites in the province, instead favouring investing money into “rehabilitation.”

However, when pressed by the media afterward, the divisive leader confirmed that he would make an exception when it came to his own family. “We’ve had a safe-injection site in my mother’s basement since the 80’s, and I can’t foresee that changing under a PC government.”

Ford, a former drug dealer and enabler of his brother Rob’s crack cocaine habit, said that “family is of utmost important to me, and there are some traditions that I am unwilling to relinquish.”

According to a close family friend, the Ford’s gather on Sunday afternoons for barbecues while gently consoling one another by watching old video tapes of the former mayor of Toronto in incoherent states of reality. “I can not support the drug habits of addicted Ontarians,” said Ford. "However, I can make sure that my family traditions continue. We'll need a place where we can hash things out together in a sterile, clean environment, especially during the next month of campaigning."

From Our Toronto Bureau