Letterman's Final Guests To Include Norah Jones, Mumford, Johnny Cash

New York, NY

The old song goes "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to." However, in David Letterman's case, CBS is clearly saying, "It's his party, and absolutely everyone who matters in the entertainment business is going to show up."

After 33 years of being both a hilarious comedian as well as a respected interviewer - something hard to come by in late-night television these days - Letterman will turn off his microphone for the last time on May 20th. But if CBS has its way, you won't be missing a single episode leading up to the finale.

Yesterday, Worldwide Pants Incorporated, the company which produces Letterman's Late Show, released the names of many of the guests who will appear with the 68 year old at the Ed Sullivan theater in New York City.

Among the names are a who's who of both past and present celebrities. The list includes Tom Hanks, Will Ferrell, Oprah Winfrey, Julia Roberts, Billy Crystal, Don Rickles, Michael Keaton, Tina Fey, and Bill Murray.

The most surprising announcement, however, came when Worldwide Pants released the names of some of Letterman's final musical acts. Among the stars who will perform are Tom Waits, Elvis Costello, Norah Jones, John Mayer, Mumford & Sons, and the elusive Johnny Cash, who has kept a low profile for over a decade.

Cash, 83, has not performed publicly since July 5, 2003 at The Carter Family Fold, but according to Time magazine, he "jumped at the chance to support his long-time friend, Mr. Letterman."

The news sent shockwaves throughout the music industry, and was a trending topic on Twitter yesterday as fans, who presumed the Man In Black was deceased, woke up to the announcement.

The popular singer of hits such as I Walk The Line, Folsom Prison Blues, and Ring of Fire was initially thought to have succumbed to complications from diabetes in September 2003. However, many long-time fans questioned the story as Cash continued to release several new albums in subsequent years. In 2006, three years after his supposed death, the Arkansas native released A Hundred Highways, the fifth in his highly successful American Recordings series, produced by Rick Rubin. Then in 2010, a seventh album, Ain't No Grave, was released. Cash, who came to stardom through Sun Records in the 1950's, rejuvenated his career in 2002 with his popular cover of the Nine Inch Nails song Hurt.

"Johnny continues to write prolifically and still insists on holding weekly recording sessions," said Rubin in an interview with the Sentinel Dispatch. "The man has the energy of someone half his age, and he's excited about performing for his fans again on the Late Show."

From Our New York City Bureau

Fidel Castro Lauds Hillary Clinton's Presidential Aspirations

Former Cuban President Fidel Castro has penned a lengthy column,
published in today's Granma newspaper.

Havana

It seems as though the first Democrat to announce her candidacy for the American presidency has an unlikely ally. In a column appearing today in the Cuban newspaper Granma - the official newspaper of the Central Committee of the Cuban Communist Party - Fidel Castro gives former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton high praise for seeking the highest office in America. Castro, the long-time president of Cuba and adversary of the United States, was known for his marathon speeches. He once spoke for 4.5 hours at the UN General Assembly, and for 7 hours and 10 minutes at the gathering of the 1986 Communist Party Congress. It is no surprise, then, that today's article spanned 6 full pages.

Within the intriguing tome, Castro admits that he was initially skeptical about the thawing of relations between once bitter enemies. "When (brother and current president) Raul and the party first approached me for advice on the situation, before the beginning of the talks, I adamantly said that it would be like dealing with the diablo himself. Like many of you, my brothers and sisters, I thought it was an affront and a betrayal of everything that our fathers and grandfathers stood for."

Castro, who handed over the presidency to his brother in 2008, told Granma that it took several months for him to come around to the idea that Cubans and Americans could be friendly with one another, let alone form business partnerships or sit across from each other at diplomatic tables.  "Age does something to a person. Some of you will call this a softening, or even a touch of dementia. But I think of the children playing in the streets of Havana. Do I want them to grow up with hatred in their heart for someone, just because they fly a different flag than we do? That's not the kind of legacy I want to leave."

While it was widely reported that the elder Castro has had very little to do with the current American-Cuban negotiations, according to Fidel, this is not the case. "I fully respect my brother's role and his competency as president. At the same time, I am grateful that he, as well as the party, still consult me from time to time."

In an interesting, even eyebrow-raising paragraph, Castro writes that he has supported the Clinton family for many years. "Quietly, and from a distance, I had respect for Mr. Clinton, and the Democratic Party in general. During his time in the Oval Office, his country saw economic stability and growth; it was a relatively peaceful time. The same can not be said for George Bush or his son."
Castro then addresses Hillary Clinton's newly-announced candidacy for the American presidency. "I have always respected and admired strong female leadership, whether it be Angela Merkel or Margaret Thatcher. They are good role models for our daughters who are taking classes in our universities. It was during her time as Secretary of State that the Americans reached out to us to seek peaceful relations."

"I personally spoke to Mrs. Clinton's team months ago and told them that not only would I support them in my writings and meetings with international leaders, but I would also support them financially. To that end, I have already contributed 250,000 pesos (approx. $250,000 US) to the campaign. I also offered to appear with Mrs. Clinton on the campaign trail when my health allows, but I understand that doing so may have a negative effect."

According to Castro, the only thing that he asked for in return was a symbolic gesture of appreciation from the Hillary For America team. "I was touched, frankly, when they revealed their campaign logo yesterday, that they clearly incorporated Cuba's great and proud flag. Our two countries, though divided for many years, have much in common, such as freedom of expression, assembly, and the right to justice."

As a gesture of "personal friendship," Castro has also sent a box of hand-rolled Cuban cigars to the would-be first spouse, Bill Clinton.

From Our Havana Bureau

Netflix To Offer Subscribers The Option To Binge-Watch Shitty Commercials

Los Gatos, CA - 

In what has been the entertainment industry's worst-kept secret since Bruce Jenner's gender-swap, Netflix Chief Content Officer Ted Sarandos announced via video on Sunday that the on-demand online streaming behemoth will soon be offering a service that "thousands of our customers have been wanting for several years."

According to Sarandos, the company, founded in 1997, has been receiving an "increasing, almost to the point of overwhelming amount of feedback," requesting that the company offer a full slate of some of the shittiest commercials from various corporations over the last several decades.

"Beginning in the mid 2000's, we began to receive e-mails from customers all over North America; they were frustrated that their needs for binge-watching low-budget, or even high-budget commercials from some of their favourite companies, like McDonalds, Bounty paper towels, Irish Spring, etc - that they weren't being met. It took some arm-twisting, but I was eventually able to convince (Netflix CEO) Reed Hastings that there was a real need for such a service.

In July of last year, Netflix cracked the 50 million subscriber level, with its availability in 40 countries and counting.

According to Sarandos, unlike some of its programming, the SCC (Shitty Commercial Channel) will be available to all its subscribers, regardless of where they live. "We thought it was unfair that the child in Sacramento did not have access to really shitty South Korean toy commercials, or that a child in Calcutta may be unaware how much happiness a Happy Meal really can bring."

According to preliminary internal polling, there is already evidence that the Shitty Commercial Channel could challenge series like House of Cards and Orange Is The New Black. 

From Our Los Angeles Bureau