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| "Our proud hunters have been trying to get their hands on Mitch McConnell for years." |
Harare, Zimbabwe
It seems as though Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe is still pulling the strings even though he is under house arrest.
According to multiple reports, the Zimbabwean dictator, in his waning days as leader, has lifted the long-held ban on importing trophies from America's Republican Party. Hunters will immediately be allowed to bring the carcasses of GOP members back to the African country.
"The lifting of the ban is a long time coming," said Emmerson Mnangagwa, chairman of Mugabe's Zimbabwe African National Union - Patriotic Front party. "Our proud hunters have been trying to get their hands on Mitch McConnell for years. Imagine the price that a Mike Pence or, I'm dreaming here, but Donald Trump would demand on the black market!"
According to multiple Zimbabwean hunters, McConnell, Pence, or even House Speaker Paul Ryan would be worth more than the president himself, considering Trump's mental decline.
White House sources confirm that security around the 45th President has been beefed up significantly.
The ban has been in effect since 2004, when hunters tried unsuccessfully to smuggle the body of President Ronald Reagan into the country.
From Our Harare Bureau
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