Tennessee Governor Signs Anti-LGBT "Hairstylist Bill" Into Law

Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam has signed a bill into law
which will protect citizens from flamboyant hairstylists.

Nashville, TN

Residents of Tennessee will soon be able to get a haircut without the growing concern that their hairstylist is a homosexual.

On Thursday, shortly after signing Senate Bill 1556 into law, which allows the state's therapists to turn away LGBT clients, Governor Bill Haslam also signed Senate Bill 1557 into law, which will give Tennesseans the freedom of walking into a hair studio or barber shop for a cut, shave, or eyebrow plucking without worrying that they will be touched by a homosexual, let alone a transgender person.

"This is an historic day for our great state," said Haslam, reminiscing about his experiences in barber shops while a young boy. "Back in the day, you could walk into Bill's Fast Cuts and it was part of the American experience. I knew I was safe back then, as my Dad and several of his buddies, often wearing their cowboy hats and chaps would just shoot the shit while Bill cut my hair. This institution has been under attack for a long time now. It's a slippery slope."

The new law states that all licensed male hairstylists in the state of Tennessee must be able to spit at least 8 feet while grabbing their crotch as a sign of masculinity, while female hairstylists can opt for carrying identification stating that they are of the heterosexual persuasion, which must be presented upon request by the customer.

Earlier this month, the Family Action Council of Tennessee touted its support for the bill, saying it was important to protect the religious beliefs and moral convictions of "non-flamboyant" Tennesseans wishing to receive a haircut. Director Allan Spalding stated his opposition to a provision in Bill 1557 which allows for Tennessean hairstylists to recommend out-of-state hairstylists and barbers to their clients. Officials in border states such as Kentucky, North Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Missouri are preparing for an influx of homosexual hairstylists.

From Our Nashville Bureau