Texas Pastor Osteen Claims Flooding Perfect For Baptisms

For a small donation of $10,000, Houston megachurch Pastor Joel Osteen will go to a family's devastated home and baptize them, as well as give them a signed copy of his 2007 book "Become a Better You"

Houston 

It seems as though Houston megachurch pastor and inspirational author Joel Osteen can't do anything right these days.

The 54 year old leader of the 15,000+ capacity Lakewood Church has been under fire for his response to the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, which has claimed at least 19 lives. In a Facebook post on Sunday, Osteen claimed that the church was closed to severe flooding, despite photographs debunking that claim. By Monday, the best-selling author of "Your Best Life Now" was saying that Lakewood was "prepared to house people once shelters reach capacity" and that they were collecting supplies for those in need. Meanwhile, Houston mosques and other places of worship had already been opening their doors to those affected by Harvey. Under increasing pressure, on Tuesday Osteen finally announced that the church was receiving people who need shelter.

This morning on The Today Show, Osteen claimed that the hurricane was "an incredible gift from God." He continued, "I declare that the Lord has sent all of this rain so that a vast amount of Houstonians will have the opportunity to be baptized within their own homes, whether they be flooded houses, apartment buildings, nursing homes or what have you." He went on to say that victims who agreed to be baptized in the flood waters would receive "special priority from the Lord and from Lakewood Church when it comes to deciding who receives the most assistance." He then announced that for a small donation of $10,000, he himself would "roll up his sleeves" and go to a family's devastated home and baptize them, as well as give them a signed copy of his 2007 book "Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day."

As of 2012, Osteen's net worth is reportedly $56,508,500. He lives with his family in a $10,500,000 home.

From Our Houston Bureau

REPORT: Omar Khadr To Serve As Canada's Next Governor General

Governor General-designate Omar Khadr will become the 29th Canadian citizen
 to serve in the role, succeeding David Johnston.

Ottawa

Sources have confirmed to The Sentinel Dispatch late Wednesday that at a press conference scheduled for Thursday, Canadian citizen and former child soldier Omar Khadr will be named Canada's 29th Governor General since Confederation.

Khadr, 30, has recently been the subject of much consternation, as just last Friday, the federal government confirmed that it had apologized to him and, according to sources, handed him a payout of $10.5 million.

Born in Canada, Khadr was taken to Afghanistan by his father, who was affiliated with Al-Qaeda and other terrorist organizations. On July 27, 2002, at age 15, Khadr was severely wounded in a firefight between U.S. soldiers and Taliban fighters in the village of Ayub Kheyl, during which Khadr is alleged to have thrown a grenade that killed American Delta Force soldier Sgt. Christopher Speer. After being captured and detained at Bagram, he was sent to the Guantanamo Bay detention camps in Cuba. During his detention, Khadr was interrogated by both Canadian and US intelligence officers.
He was the first person since World War II to be prosecuted in a military commission for war crimes committed while still a minor. His conviction and sentence were widely denounced by civil rights groups, as well as the United Nations.

In 2010, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that the Canadian government's interrogation of Khadr at Guantanamo Bay "offend[ed] the most basic Canadian standards [of] the treatment of detained youth suspects."

As Governor General, Khadr will receive an annual salary of $270,602, and will reside in Ottawa's Rideau Hall. The Toronto-born citizen will reportedly meet with the Queen next month for tea.

When reached for comment, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told The Sentinel Dispatch that there were several qualified candidates, including former astronaut Julie Payette, and leading marijuana activist Marc Emery, but that Khadr had "impressed (him) the most."

Khadr will succeed current Governor General David Johnston, who has served in the role since October 2010.

From Our Ottawa Bureau

BREAKING: Toronto Blue Jays Place Entire Roster On Disabled List

Toronto Blue Jays pitcher J.A. Happ leaves his last start with an elbow injury.

Los Angeles

When it rains it pours for the lowly Toronto Blue Jays. Mere hours after consigning shortstop Troy Tulowitzki to the 10-day disabled list with a hamstring injury, the team announced that they are going ahead and placing their entire major league roster on the shelf.

The Blue Jays, with 4 wins and 12 losses going into Saturday night's action against the Los Angeles Angels, had previously placed all-star third baseman Josh Donaldson (calf) on the disabled list, along with pitchers Aaron Sanchez (finger) and J.A. Happ (elbow).

"With the way our players have been going down, and considering our atrocious start to the season, we talked it over and decided it's in our best interest to place the whole club on the DL," said general manager Ross Atkins. "Jose Bautista has a bunyan on his left foot, Ryan Goins had a significant sneezing episode last night, and Justin Smoak has a bit of a sore throat." Asked what the issue is with catcher Russell Martin, Atkins replied, "Oh, him, he's just awful."

Jays president Mark Shapiro has announced that the team will continue to play games with fill-ins from their minor-league affiliate, the Buffalo Bisons. Pitcher Casey Lawrence starts his first major league game against the Angels tonight.

From Our Toronto Bureau

ISIS Claims Responsibility For Truly Awful Katherine Heigl Film

Unforgettable was  produced by ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

Los Angeles

The Islamic State has successfully carried out its second terror attack in as many days, releasing the truly awful movie Unforgettable, starring Katherine Heigl and Rosario Dawson.

A day after French assailant Karim Cheurfi shot and killed a police officer on Paris' Champs-Elysees, the terror group unleashed the 1 hour and 40 minute assault on movie-goers in America, the UK, Ireland, and Cambodia, with further plans to do so worldwide.

The movie, sporting a tagline of "When Love Ends, Madness Begins" was directed by Denise Di Novi, and produced by ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. It features Heigl as Tessa Connover, a deranged woman who is jealous of her ex-husband's new relationship with Julia, played by Dawson.

Peter Travers of Rolling Stone writes that "Unforgettable is definitely the wrong title for a movie you want to erase from your memory the second it ends." He goes on to call the $12,000,000 film "sexist, exploitative trash." Gary Thompson of the Philadelphia Daily News says "One day (very) soon, folks will be watching it on cable, downing pints of pinot, and groaning at (its) lurid, eye-popping tactlessness."

Unforgettable currently has a 24% rating on RottenTomatoes.com.

The Weeknd Offers $50K Reward For Missing Vowel

The Weeknd hasn't been able to locate the missing vowel
 from his name for the past 7 years.

Los Angeles – Canadian singer/songwriter The Weeknd held a news conference in Los Angeles on Wednesday, urgently asking for the public’s help in locating the vowel “e” that is missing from his name.

The 27-year old artist, known for his hits including Can’t Feel My Face and The Hills, looked visibly shaken as he described the loss of the vowel. “This is a hard thing for me to talk about. I haven’t been able to locate it since 2010,” said The Weeknd, whose birth name is Abel Makkonen Tesfaye.

Recently linked romantically to Selena Gomez, the star said he “doesn’t want to get married and pass down the defective name to (his) kids. In 2015 I went so far as to try out for Wheel of Fortune, hoping to buy the letter, but I was rejected."

The Weeknd is offering a $50K reward for the return of the missing vowel.

Trudeau Government To Legalize Medicinal Alcohol For Children

While Ottawa will set a minimum age of 16 to buy, the provinces will have
the option of setting a lower age limit if they wish.

Ottawa - The Liberal government will announce legislation next month that will legalize medicinal alcohol for children in Canada by July 1, 2018.

The Sentinel Dispatch has learned that the legislation will be announced around April 10 and will follow the recommendation of a task force that was chaired by former liberal Justice Minister Anne McLellan.

The federal government will be in charge of making sure the country's alcohol supply is safe and secure and Ottawa will license producers.

But the provinces will have the right to decide how the alcohol is distributed and sold. Provincial governments will also have the right to set price.

While Ottawa will set a minimum age of 16 to buy, the provinces will have the option of setting a lower age limit if they wish.


As for Canadians who want to brew their own beer, they will be limited to four kegs per household. Regulations for those consuming wine or spirits are forthcoming.

Children's rights activists herald the news as a major victory. "Gone are the dark ages when we didn't know anything about the effects of alcohol on children. Research shows that getting a buzz on is healthy for any child, but particularly those who may be sick with a debilitating disease, or even a cold or flu," said Cynthia Jackson, executive director of the Ottawa Children's Hub.

From Our Ottawa Bureau

CNN Executive Briefly Panics After Zero Terrorist Attacks

Calm-counselors are being called in to the network to help employees deal with the slow news cycle.

Atlanta, GA

CNN head news director Jason Farnstone admits that he has never felt anything like it. And he doesn't want to feel it again. A full day had passed since the latest terrorist attack, this time outside of the British parliament, and the veteran journalist, as well as many of his colleagues, were anxiously depending on another attack to hit and thus continue to have an important, breaking news story to cover. "Twenty-four hours is a lifetime in the cable news business, and we depend on these stories to keep our anchors wide-eyed and alert," said Farnstone. "The fact that so much time has passed since the attacks in London is, frankly, concerning. Our viewers tune in expecting to see dust and debris and bloodied faces, just like sports fans tune into Cowboys games expecting to see scantily-clad cheerleaders. The effect of London is starting to wear off."

According to sources inside CNN's vaunted newsroom, distress is starting to set in among some of the network's top anchors. "Wolf hasn't slept since this whole thing began, and Anderson, we have him waiting at the airport just wondering which attacked city we're going to send him to next," said a producer on the condition of anonymity. "My money's on Copenhagen, but others are wagering on cities as far ranging as Madrid to Frankfurt to Los Angeles."

Calm-counselors are being called in to the network to help employees deal with the slow news cycle.

From Our Atlanta Bureau