NEW: Ottawa Police Deploy Celine Dion To Clear Protest

 Ottawa, Ontario

It is Day 22 of the Freedom Convoy occupation of downtown Ottawa, and The Sentinel Dispatch has learned that police are set to use drastic measures to end the standoff.

As of Friday evening, police forces, which have included Ottawa Police, Ontario Provincial Police, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, as well as officers from jurisdictions across Canada, have arrested over 100 people and towed 21 trucks.

As of press time, police have utilized horses in their efforts to push back the protesters, but measures such as tear gas have not been needed.

However, according to Wendy Bronson, spokeswoman for Ottawa Police, the situation is not resolving "nearly quickly enough, and so we've decided to proceed with more forceful measures."

According to an internal memo obtained by The Sentinel Dispatch, police have contacted Quebec singer Celine Dion, and she has agreed to travel from her American home to the capital city in order to clear the protesters.

"In preparation of Ms. Dion's arrival, integrated police forces are setting up loudspeakers along the protest route, including Wellington street and on Parliament Hill." Upon arrival, Ms. Dion has agreed to, from a secure location in Ottawa, sing a number of her hits, including The Power of Love, My Heart Will Go On, and It's All Coming Back To Me Now," writes Bronson. "Her music was used to clear out the protest near Emerson, Manitoba earlier in the week, and we're confident that it will work here also on a much larger scale."

As of press time, at least a dozen more protesters and 7 trucks have vacated the downtown, not wanting to be subjected to Ms. Dion's performance. "I'll do a lot to fight for my freedoms, but there is a line that I will not cross," said protester Bill Mansion.

From Our Ottawa Bureau

Nickelback Used To Clear Border Crossing

Coutts, Alberta

After two weeks of blocking a border crossing near the town of Coutts, protesters with the Freedom Convoy have finally vacated the premises.

According to Coutts Mayor Jim Willett, all efforts to clear the blockade had been unsuccessful up until Tuesday afternoon. "Regional police and the RCMP were unable to make the convoy budge since they arrived. Negotiations were largely fruitless," said Willett. 

It wasn't until town councilor Sheila Timison made an ingenious suggestion that the impasse was solved.

"We needed to find some common ground between police and the protesters," said Timison. "Sometimes a common adversary can bring people together in a united cause. That's where Canadian rock band Nickelback came in to play. "

The band, formed in Hanna, Alberta in 1995, has been known to cause negative, even excruciating responses from its reluctant listeners. "Nickelback has aggravated Canadians for over two decades," said Timison. "Once I had the idea and council approved the plan, it was relatively easy to clear the blockade."

On Tuesday afternoon, volunteers from the community set up 26 large speakers around the trucks and other vehicles, and proceeded to play songs like How You Remind Me, Someday, and Burn It To The Ground at high decibels. Protesters and police alike could be seen visibly shaken at the ordeal, with both sides clearing out in a matter of an hour and a half.

From Our Lethbridge Bureau

BREAKING: Polkaroo To Be Named New Ottawa Mayor

 

BREAKING NEWS

Ottawa, Ontario

In a surprise move, The Sentinel Dispatch has learned Tuesday evening from multiple sources that Jim Watson will resign the Ottawa mayoralty at a press conference Wednesday morning.

This will mark the end of Watson's second tenure at the helm of Ottawa city council. He previously served as mayor from 1997 to 2000, and after serving in the cabinet of then Ontario premier Dalton McGuinty, he once again was elected Ottawa mayor in 2010.

According to an Ottawa city councilor, who spoke to The Sentinel Dispatch on condition of anonymity, a surprise replacement has already been named. Beloved children's entertainer Gerald Polkaroo, a resident of the Centretown district of Ottawa, will take over the role until the next municipal election.

Polkaroo, 57, is best known for his time on the Canadian children's program Polka Dot Door from 1971 to 1993. He takes over at a particularly challenging time for the city, as Freedom Convoy protesters settle in for their third week as occupiers of the downtown area.

"Polkaroo is the perfect person for this job," said protester Tom Roloson, speaking from his rig parked on Wellington Street. "He'll continue to represent the city of Ottawa with his quiet demeanor and his uncanny ability to disappear for long periods of time."

From Our Ottawa Bureau